Wednesday, 31 December 2008

For you...

Listen to this one, please..

Thanks for watching as I fall..

Another lonely night..

So here we are again. Just me, and my bottle. Alone. In the dark.

I cannot seem to find the reason for my misery. I can't blame it on someone else, cause that just aint right. There's gotta be something I do to make it always fall apart.
I'm sure there's a somewhat contribution by the other part as well, but I still think the main reason for my misery is myself.

Though this time, I think I didn't have any influence on the outcome of it. She stood me up. I thought I could trust her to take care of me, but what the hell, who am I to think such a thing. Why would this be any different from before? aint...

What could I have different? What changes could have been made, for it not to get this outcome?
I don't know. And I sense this becoming a crap post, with no meaning whatsoever. I'm too drunk to find the right words, I'm too drunk to see what's ahead of me. I just want to lay down, and never rise again. Forever to live in my own darkness and misery.

I feel lonely. Depressed. I need to go die someplace...

Monday, 22 December 2008

Wrong again.

Yeah. I was wrong...again.

I really thought I could make this happen - for once in my life, maybe get something that was strong. That could keep me on my feet for at least a couple months. Instead - I have to go ruin it - like everything else.

Why can't I just be like everyone else. To live a normal life, with normal problems, with normal fears, with normal joys.

I cannot keep doing this much longer. I'm fearing that I'll break everyone that comes in my path. I'm afraid I will disappoint everyone I know.

I'd give everything to get out of here, and to never look back. To just drive - to the middle of nowhere, live there with just me, and my dog. Living of the nature. To only take care of myself.
I'd give it all up, just to have that one moment of silence with myself again. To have that inner calm I used to have.

I drank vodka today. It felt good. To relax a bit. Feel warm.
I thought about an old flame today. I miss her. I thought about another one, that I don't all.

I miss the way I used to be. The way I always managed to overlook everything. The way I managed to keep my calm. Maybe I was ignorant, maybe I were just stupid - maybe both? I cannot answer that, all I know is this: that time has passed. It will never return.

I know I'm a fool from time to time - running in and out of relationships like i do. But I can't help myself. I care too much. I care too much to let them sit there by themselves. I cannot let people be when they feel sad. I don't know... Maybe I'm just a bit odd, or maybe I'm just a plain ol' fool.

I was wrong again - after all the effort I tried to put into it. After all the time I spent trying to figure out a way to save it. My effort was for nothing. I can't help but to feel like I betrayed her, but still - I didn't. I never lied to her, I really did love her, I really did think I'd figure out a way to fix it. To make it all good again.

Maybe I was a fool to think I - I (!) could make this right.
I will never make anything right.

I'll go away now. Listening to this song:

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Only you <3

Finally, life's taking a turn.
Maybe a turn in the right direction this time? or was friday all but a sign..?

Could it be that maybe for ince, someone really cares? I don't know what i want, to be honest.

If i'm being left alone again, like I've been before, I don't know what I'd do.
But then again, this could be the start of something beautiful, something new.

Although, I cannot even THINK about getting a job where she is. I'd much rather move her to me. That place just aint what I'm looking for - or even want!

When I'm with her, I feel safe, nothing could ever hurt me. Nothing could ever make me feel hopeless, as long as there is hope between us.

You really did change my life, over just a few moments of time. No one has ever done as much for me, over a so short period of time. Standing up for me, although you were not completely alone, but still, taking care of me like you did, it really ment the world to me!

I've been on the edge of breaking down for good for quite a while, and i was just looking for a reason to let it all go, when you stepped into my life, and changed it all. - For the better!

You made me see there is still hope for the lot of us after all, and that the girl of your dreams really can come true!

Over just a weekend, you totally rebuilt my whole life, you made me able to see the light once more. To believe in love once again.

I care so much for you, for now I won't mention any names, but you know who you are.
If there's anything, anything at all, you know where to find me.

Baby, I really, truly care about you! More than ANYTHING!

All I want for chirstmas, is you <3

- Your Simen <3

Sunday, 26 October 2008

Song of the evening


I look up at the stars above. Maybe so are you?
They look down at me, twinkling, as if they're saying: "Hold on, dear, things'll change.".

Maybe thing will change...someday.
No matter what, you give me strength to get up in the morning. You keep me going for another day.

The moon is bright tonight. It's lighting up my dark path. So are you. You are the sunshine of my life. You make me forget all the bad things in life, and just see the positive, and the most positive thing in my life, is you.

I look at the stars with a glimt of hope in my eyes. I can see a future when I look at you. You're my star. You're my everything. You do really make me want to continiue for another day, just to see what it'll bring. You make me want to try again, even though I don't know any reason why.

The dark falls. The clouds come in, covering the skies. I can no longer see the stars. The glimt of hope I had, fades away.
My path is again dark, cold and lonely. I try to remember you, but it's like trying to picture someone you've never seen.
I look at the skies, thinking what heaven is like. Maybe, you're there. In a way I hope you're not. You've got a life to live, you've got people to take care of.

I wonder what happens when you die. Is there a heaven? Is there a Nirvana?
I don't know. I can only hope death brings peace.

Silence. Dark. Cold. Emtyness. It's all common words for me. Words to describe me and my path in life.
Where did I go wrong?

I wonder what'd happen if I didn't seek help earlier. Would I have put myself out of this misery before? Would I have ever met you?
I doubt it.

I think alot about death. White lights. They seem too far away. There's a saying going something like "Good things are worth fighting for."
I've fought. I think I'm loosing this battle. The battle for life. The battle for love.
It's a neverending fight. It'll go on forever.

Then I come to think about you.
You make me keep going for another day.
You make me want to continiue. < 3

My best friend <3

This is Vilde. She's the most beautiful girl you could ever meet.
She's done more for me than anyone ever has.

There aint enough words in the world to describe how good of a girl you are, so incredible kind < 3
I've written about you before as well, here. < 3

For all of those who have yet to see how she looks; look no more.