Listen to this one, please..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwf2qt6BJAQ
Thanks for watching as I fall..
Wednesday 31 December 2008
Another lonely night..
So here we are again. Just me, and my bottle. Alone. In the dark.
I cannot seem to find the reason for my misery. I can't blame it on someone else, cause that just aint right. There's gotta be something I do to make it always fall apart.
I'm sure there's a somewhat contribution by the other part as well, but I still think the main reason for my misery is myself.
Though this time, I think I didn't have any influence on the outcome of it. She stood me up. I thought I could trust her to take care of me, but what the hell, who am I to think such a thing. Why would this be any different from before?
...it aint...
What could I have different? What changes could have been made, for it not to get this outcome?
I don't know. And I sense this becoming a crap post, with no meaning whatsoever. I'm too drunk to find the right words, I'm too drunk to see what's ahead of me. I just want to lay down, and never rise again. Forever to live in my own darkness and misery.
I feel lonely. Depressed. I need to go die someplace...
I cannot seem to find the reason for my misery. I can't blame it on someone else, cause that just aint right. There's gotta be something I do to make it always fall apart.
I'm sure there's a somewhat contribution by the other part as well, but I still think the main reason for my misery is myself.
Though this time, I think I didn't have any influence on the outcome of it. She stood me up. I thought I could trust her to take care of me, but what the hell, who am I to think such a thing. Why would this be any different from before?
...it aint...
What could I have different? What changes could have been made, for it not to get this outcome?
I don't know. And I sense this becoming a crap post, with no meaning whatsoever. I'm too drunk to find the right words, I'm too drunk to see what's ahead of me. I just want to lay down, and never rise again. Forever to live in my own darkness and misery.
I feel lonely. Depressed. I need to go die someplace...
Monday 22 December 2008
Wrong again.
Yeah. I was wrong...again.
I really thought I could make this happen - for once in my life, maybe get something that was strong. That could keep me on my feet for at least a couple months. Instead - I have to go ruin it - like everything else.
Why can't I just be like everyone else. To live a normal life, with normal problems, with normal fears, with normal joys.
I cannot keep doing this much longer. I'm fearing that I'll break everyone that comes in my path. I'm afraid I will disappoint everyone I know.
I'd give everything to get out of here, and to never look back. To just drive - to the middle of nowhere, live there with just me, and my dog. Living of the nature. To only take care of myself.
I'd give it all up, just to have that one moment of silence with myself again. To have that inner calm I used to have.
I drank vodka today. It felt good. To relax a bit. Feel warm.
I thought about an old flame today. I miss her. I thought about another one, that I don't miss...at all.
I miss the way I used to be. The way I always managed to overlook everything. The way I managed to keep my calm. Maybe I was ignorant, maybe I were just stupid - maybe both? I cannot answer that, all I know is this: that time has passed. It will never return.
I know I'm a fool from time to time - running in and out of relationships like i do. But I can't help myself. I care too much. I care too much to let them sit there by themselves. I cannot let people be when they feel sad. I don't know... Maybe I'm just a bit odd, or maybe I'm just a plain ol' fool.
I was wrong again - after all the effort I tried to put into it. After all the time I spent trying to figure out a way to save it. My effort was for nothing. I can't help but to feel like I betrayed her, but still - I didn't. I never lied to her, I really did love her, I really did think I'd figure out a way to fix it. To make it all good again.
Maybe I was a fool to think I - I (!) could make this right.
I will never make anything right.
I'll go away now. Listening to this song:
I really thought I could make this happen - for once in my life, maybe get something that was strong. That could keep me on my feet for at least a couple months. Instead - I have to go ruin it - like everything else.
Why can't I just be like everyone else. To live a normal life, with normal problems, with normal fears, with normal joys.
I cannot keep doing this much longer. I'm fearing that I'll break everyone that comes in my path. I'm afraid I will disappoint everyone I know.
I'd give everything to get out of here, and to never look back. To just drive - to the middle of nowhere, live there with just me, and my dog. Living of the nature. To only take care of myself.
I'd give it all up, just to have that one moment of silence with myself again. To have that inner calm I used to have.
I drank vodka today. It felt good. To relax a bit. Feel warm.
I thought about an old flame today. I miss her. I thought about another one, that I don't miss...at all.
I miss the way I used to be. The way I always managed to overlook everything. The way I managed to keep my calm. Maybe I was ignorant, maybe I were just stupid - maybe both? I cannot answer that, all I know is this: that time has passed. It will never return.
I know I'm a fool from time to time - running in and out of relationships like i do. But I can't help myself. I care too much. I care too much to let them sit there by themselves. I cannot let people be when they feel sad. I don't know... Maybe I'm just a bit odd, or maybe I'm just a plain ol' fool.
I was wrong again - after all the effort I tried to put into it. After all the time I spent trying to figure out a way to save it. My effort was for nothing. I can't help but to feel like I betrayed her, but still - I didn't. I never lied to her, I really did love her, I really did think I'd figure out a way to fix it. To make it all good again.
Maybe I was a fool to think I - I (!) could make this right.
I will never make anything right.
I'll go away now. Listening to this song:
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