I wanna

I wanna run away.
To a place where no one knows me. Knows my past. Knows my history. Knows my pain.
A place where I can finally start living. Start believing. Start my new life.

Can you make my pain go away? Please! I cannot take this anymore.
It's too much for me to bear. Whatever's left of my strength will expire soon. Very soon.
Please - make my thoughts go away. They're getting to me - more and more each day.
If I didn't know it was physically impossible - I'd think it would explode!

I've got my music. It keeps me sane - for now.
"everything 'll be OK". I'm not so sure. The signs are all there. I'll screw everything up again. As always. The future doesn't stand a chance against me. I'm like a wrecking-machine ! Crush everyone and everything on my path towards selfdestruction.

I've been thinking alot today.
I want to go to a deserted island. Like the one in the movie Cast Away, starring Tom Hanks.
Just me and my leatherman. I could live forever.
There I couldn't hurt anyone but myself.

Maybe I'd finally be happy there? Alone - but incapable of doing any harm to anyone. Not needing to think about needing to work. Trying to please everyone.
That might be better.

I think i need a week off from work. Go to my parents cabin. Be alone for a couple days. Just me and the woods. Think about stuff, without being interrupted by anything. Turn off my cellphone, turn off my computer, and just be alone with myself for a while.